The Old Geezer Syndrome

Much as my father insists that he’s still 35, he is, most unfortunately, no longer in his mid-30’s. In fact, I am witness to the (frankly alarming) signs of old age he displays in the form of his developing Old Geezer Syndrome.

Alas! It is true. My father has been struck by this most fearsome and incurable disease, and his symptoms worsen by the day.

We are all aware of the debilitating effects of this disease, and how the illness evolves uniquely in every afflicted person, so when it first manifested in my father, we didn’t know that it was this most dreaded syndrome.

As is characteristic of the Old Geezer Syndrome, it manifested in a most peculiar strain in my father:

One day, he started to claim that he was handsome. 

It seemed to him a revelation, a most infallible truth. This peculiar form of delusion is one of the earliest symptoms of the disease, but when my father first started exclaiming that he was “handsome”, we all thought it was a merry joke, but then as he continued to proclaim, daily, and with the same vigor and intensity, that he was handsome, I announced to myself that my father had gone senile. 

He is lost to the illness. 

Now, my father continues to display a worsening form of the Old Geezer Syndrome.

Just today, we had this most disturbing conversation while he was dropping me off at the gym:

“Will you ask the trainers if they want to see my handsome face?”

I was all astonishment! I vehemently yelled my denials, but my father continued:

“Tell them not to worry, because I won’t be going to their gym. They won’t have to be humiliated by being defeated by me.”

Even more depressingly, just calling my father’s attention will make the illness act up. For instance, observe this conversation:

Me: “Dad. Dad. Dad.”

My father: “No, no. You must call me ‘handsome’ daddy.”

And yet another example:

My father: “Ren, why am I so handsome? Can you google it for me? Can you google why I’m so handsome?

I’m afraid all hope is lost for him.

I can only pray, as my father’s illness worsens, that the other symptoms of the disease will not be as awful, as crippling, as debilitating, as my father’s delusion of his handsomeness.

I entreat you all to continue to pray for my father’s good health as well.

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